The Seal of the House of Windsor: Respect the Madness.

I’m really starting to get tired of using “I” in many of these useless blog entries. It’s hard enough having to spend, like, my entire life with myself. But then to spend that time also representing “myself” to you?

Exhausting.

You might have noticed that I’m also starting to use “The Brow” as “the self” here on this site. This is not an accident.

I feel that this is more accurate, because The Brow is actually someone very interesting and admirable. He is a part of me. The part that I can actually stand (plus, he’s started threatening me if I continue ignoring him).

If my true “I” was allowed to smear his thoughts all over this digital mentalplex, there’d be a lot more stories about how cute puppies are, how so darned difficult life is sometimes, and how organized religion is, in fact, not against Satan but is actually Satan’s most effective propaganda tool on Earth.

But, let’s be honest, using The Brow, can start to feel a bit nauseating too. So what are my other options?

The Royal “We”, that’s what.

That way, I don’t have to exclude any of the other personas who I like over and above my true self that are continuously swimming around in the kiddie pool of my own head. Some say silence the voices in your own head. I say “Let the cacophony reign!”

(We agree.)

So what is the royal ‘we’, anyway?

As far as I know, people my age mostly use it in homage to The Big Lebowski, when the dude is busy fucking up the drop-off with the hostage-takers.

(We love that movie the best).

We needs a dentist.

Then there’s also the ‘we’ from Lord of the Rings, where Gollum develops a sense that he and Precious are two parts of a whole.

(We like the gay hobbit innuendo in that movie best.)

But why, I found myself wondering, is it called the royal ‘we’. Again, I consulted The Oracle (Wikipedia), and found an exceptionally well-written response.

First of all, “the use of ‘we’ to refer to oneself” is a grammatical construction known as a nosism. That’s just about the most awesome name for a grammatical element that I’ve ever heard. It ranks right up there with gerund (which always makes me think of old people) and ergative verb (which sounds like a verb that describes things Neanderthals would do: thump, grunt, poop. Errrrrrrrgative.)

But seriously, a nosism is actually derived from the Latin nos meaning us.

The Royal ‘we’ was, in fact, just that: a practice invented by royalty. It was a way for them to appease their giant egos, which actually believed that when they were speaking about something, they were in fact speaking for themselves, God and their people.

It was also a great way to score the ladies.

There are other we’s, to be sure. There’s the editorial we, which came from the practice of newspaper editors writing their opinions as if they were representing their editorial staff and readers (which should only confirm your suspicion that newspaper editors are arrogant twerps).

And, finally, there is the patronizing we.

As in: “Aren’t we a little moody today?” Or “Now, Timmy, what do we say to Mrs. Bupkus for the cookie?”

So we’re going to try out the we for a while, okay? We hope you enjoy it.

The Brow has always suspected we might be God’s mouthpiece.

You have nothing at stake here. Why not insult me?

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