Who is this Carr? And why has he been allowed to get away with his water cracker monopoly for so long?

The Brow loves a good tagging. Not the kind you do on walls and overpasses. Not the freeze kind you did in 3rd grade, where the only way to un-freeze was to go between a person’s legs (girls, btw, this was so we could look up your skirts and shorts).

He’s talking about a good old-fashioned blog post tagging.

There’s an Art to it.

For starters, you should know that blog post tagging is vital if you want to get your blog read. If you write a post about crackers, you need to think creatively about the tags. Why?

Because someone out there just took a bite of a saltine (or a white person) and had a funny thought and wondered if someone else out there has had a funny thought about a cracker as well.

Let’s say, though, that your cracker musing is about firecrackers. Well, you want to tag it firecracker, cracker, celebration, 4th of July, Independence Day, Christmas Cracker, etc etc. You really want to cover all your bases.

Now, imagine you have a brain as decrepit as The Brow’s. This brain only allows you to do so much meticulous thinking and planning before it decides to swerve off a cliff and careen into a ravine.

You start to say to yourself: In addition to all this really useful tagging I’m doing that will one day get more than my blood relatives to read my writing, I’m going to need to start entertaining myself. Because everything in life was put there, as Tommy in Goodfellas seems not to want to believe, “for your fucking amusement.”

So let’s return to our cracker. This is what you do: You take every single associative thought that comes into your mind and is even vaguely referenced in your article and you make it a tag. Does this increase the likelihood that people will stumble across your blog? Maybe. I’m not sure. Stop grilling me. But it will keep you from getting bored to death each time you have to tag your articles.

So here’s the list of tags for my imaginary cracker article:

crackers, cracker, cracker-ass-cracker, Dave Chappelle, Cracker Barrel, animal cracker, saltine, saltines, water crackers, why can you only buy Carr’s water crackers…is no one else getting major water cracker distribution deals?, firecrackers, celebration, dry mouth, what to eat when your stomach’s all fucked up from too much drinking, what to eat when you have the stomach flu, the band Cracker, Cracker, a cracker on the jaw, crack, crack cocaine…and…Big Old Katy Sagal Tits.

"Now Al, make sure you tag right."

Why that last one? Because one of my new favorite bloggers wrote a post about that show Sons of Anarchy and didn’t even mention Katy Sagal in it. But that didn’t stop him from tagging her name and her most prominent organ.

I assume there will be a lot of men landing on his blog who have their zippers down and some Kleenex handy.

But, hey, whatever you gotta do to pull in the readers.

So tag it up and don’t be lame about it.

Brow ya later.

5 responses »

  1. […] blog. At least someone pays attention to my little “Easter Eggs” I place around. Big Old Katy Sagal Tits Share this:DiggFacebookTwitterLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

  2. mooselicker says:

    We’ve already exchanged a good 5-6 emails on this topic. I don’t know what there is to say about those ancient cannons that hasn’t been said already.

    Good work HTSR and thanks for the plug!

    • I thought I was just getting warmed up. But, okay. I’ll muzzle it for your sake. Clearly you have a low breast analysis threshold. I wasn’t breastfed so I could basically go on for days.

  3. You, sir, are truly and expert on all things taggy and titty. I bow down to your expertise of such things.

You have nothing at stake here. Why not insult me?

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