Brooke Burke’s Abs have traveled more miles than the Grateful Dead.

I would follow her Abs around the country too, if only they would disclose their location more frequently.

When I grow up, I want to be as disciplined as Brooke Burke’s Abs. Also, I want to be as tanned.

When I look at walls sometimes, I imagine that they are wallpapered with Brooke Burke’s abs. Not literally, though. That would make for a very lumpy wall.

A lumpy wall that I wouldn’t mind rubbing my face on.

I picture the wall flexing, then relaxing, flexing, then relaxing.

It would be exhausting merely watching Brooke Burke’s Abs work out as much as they do.

What do you think their favorite post-workout smoothie is?

I know one thing for sure: the smoothie will be called “I hope I don’t have to talk to a loser like you while I sip this smoothie, you ab-worshipping freak.”

The thing is, I don’t worship abs in general. Just Brooke Burke’s. I admire their discipline and the way they can pretend they haven’t been stretched for a total of 36 months while she gestates her offspring. Think about that: Brooke Burke’s abs have been stretched to shit for 3 years and they look a-mazing.

Makes me wonder why I can’t stomach doing 100 sit-ups a day.

Let’s face it, though: Brooke Burke isn’t getting any younger. But her abs are. They’re going back in time. They’re like Benjamin Button. When Brooke Burke is an old woman, her abs will be breastfeeding. Again. An image I can certainly live with.

Chris Rock said: “Pretty much whatever music you were listening to when you started getting laid, you’re gonna love that music for the rest of your life.”

To that I would add: “Pretty much the hottest woman you were jerking off to right before you started getting laid, you’re gonna love that woman for the rest of your life.”

You will love her. And you will love her abs.

Brooke, the UniBrow thanks you.

America.

Thanks you.

4 responses »

  1. mooselicker says:

    You’re trying to build the perfect woman aren’t you?

    I don’t know why women’s abs really turn me on but they REALLY turn me on. Fat tits and and a hard stomach? Wow that’s awesome.

    I’ll let her travel through my country any time. And by country I mean pants.

  2. Mhd says:

    The importance of self dicsipline really cannot be overemphasized. Remember that in the context of knowing how to get a six pack fast, it is imperative that you maintain self dicsipline at all times.

You have nothing at stake here. Why not insult me?

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