Arizona: Currently beaming.

The State of Arizona, which celebrates its statehood Centennial today, just had the most amazing day. As if turning 100 wasn’t enough, the State just got home from what it is tentatively calling: “Maybe. Possibly. The hottest, sweetest date of my entire life.”

“Yeah, I went out with a county, so what? People are always telling me I should punch above my weight, but this county is different. It knows itself. It doesn’t try be anything more than it is. What a relief.”

Arizona, long-complexed for its reputation as “essentially a desert wasteland” and “a place where old people go to live out their few remaining years”, has had a turbulent dating past.

“If you don’t respect yourself when you’re on the dating scene, you can’t expect to be treated the way you want to be treated — or to find the political entity you know is right for you.”

In its past, Arizona has had relationships with the State of Colorado, Calabasas and Humboldt Counties in California, Albuquerque, New Mexico, as well as Charlottesville, Virginia and Halifax, Nova Scotia.

“It’s true. I’ve tried all kinds. But dating is hard. Political entities are complicated, with many needs that are hard to fill.”

After a long, tumultuous affair with the State of California — which many suspected was borderline abusive — the young state swore off dating other states.

“States are complicated. And complexed! They’ve always got unresolved issues with the Federal Government. You know — daddy.”

On this Valentine’s Day, we wish Arizona the best of luck and hope it finds lasting happiness and purpose.

From its big mountains up north, to its troubled border down south. And everywhere in between.

You have nothing at stake here. Why not insult me?

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